My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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