awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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