I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i think my mom watched the whole time
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
