so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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