After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
