Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
