yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
