Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We were destined to go to rehab together
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
