This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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