and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
