I think I won the penis lottery.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
