i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
