im six kinds of drunk right now
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
