i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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