Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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