Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

i just had sex bonerless

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(514): View more from Quebec

i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."

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(805): View more from California

I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends

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(619): View more from California

Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."

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(757): View more from Virginia

I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.

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(229): View more from Georgia

Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes

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(636): View more from Missouri

Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!

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(404): View more from Georgia

The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.

(404): View more from Georgia

THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.

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