I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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