I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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