If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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