doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
