Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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