put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
