Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
