Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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