I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
