OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
