So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
