Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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