This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
