Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
