Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
