Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
