you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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