Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
