You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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