The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
