If i come over, it means nothing
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Two words: nipple clamps
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