Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
