I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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