I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
