I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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