If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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