11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
