I want to stick my p in your. b.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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