I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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