is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
