I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
