There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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