the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
