how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
my liver is dry heaving
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
