I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
