my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
